Im not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good.

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Wednesday, January 21, 2015, 10:07 PM

18C You

The way your lips curl
The gaze of desire
"I will see you soon"
Come to me soon

Your warmth beside me
The adolescent yet masculine slow movements
Each time you look at me
and you look to re check me out

There is something about the hands of a man
It can be so alluring can't it?

You beside me
watching you sleep
the outline of your jaw
so strong and certain of what we are

The mini movements when you sleep
Your strong chest supporting my round head
You arms occasionally returning to embrace me
Waking up to smell your foul breath
I could get used to this

Our comfort
I don't have to suck in my stomach
I don't have to watch the way I smile
I don't have to try.

I choose you because, you gave me all you have
and ill keep trying to do the same.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015, 8:57 PM

How can there be so many people around me and yet I feel so lonely.
Is it just you that completes me?

Once you figure out what happiness is, you wouldn't settle for anything less

I've lost interest in making friends.
they don't seem to connect,
to feel.
every night

8:53 PM

Why does it seem as though life gets so meaningless
we go to work, get a Starbucks,
maybe ill try a new flavour
feeling adventurous are you?

Get to work and I feel stressed
deal with people
deal with my own emotions
deal with my own thoughts

fight the peak period train
tired from standing
do some retail therapy
lose some weight in the wallet

Need to earn the $ back
need to create a better life
the cycle begins again

Is there a better life?
I think its just a different style of living involving a better brand of bed, a larger aircon, Feeling adventurous? maybe some new bed sheets.

I just want it simple.
but if simple is boring
That's when it gets meaningless.
Coz all that's left is complicated.
and that's a whole new story and that's much longer.
more draining.

Saturday, January 17, 2015, 11:28 PM
Moods in diversity

The only constant is the change in moods.
I feel so lucky to have what i have. Some moments i feel so appreciative of the smallest detail like the gathering of heartlanders cheering on a soccer match, clapping as though they know what is going on. I feel happy that the world seems to portray a scene that humans can thus be content and cheer on the act in front of them. I feel happy i watch the acts just like a play, every day. People pretending to care. People saying what i want to hear.

Maybe i dont feel lucky.
Maybe im just feeling lucky to have the things i Think i have.

Can it really be as simple as im seeing?
Can anyone be so afraid as me, slapping themselves with fear every moment, waiting for something to go wrong.
Someone who might disappointment.
Or a love that might go wrong.

Maybe we are all haunted by traditions and social constructs...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014, 4:44 PM
Some Tips for Girls in rock concerts

Tip 1: Never stoop lower than your chest level

+ you might never get up! It is interesting how in rock concerts, when the music starts playing, there is no assurance that there will be reasonable behavior. Stepping, mosh pits, EVERYthing you think can happen might. Goodness i remember my first My Chemical Romance concert where an annoying man crowd surf onto my head. I was 14 years old. Imagine as a 14 year old teenager girl holding a grown man on her head. Thankfully a friend of mine pulled him to the ground and made him crash so hard for tugging my hair just to stay balanced on my head. Leading me to tip 2..

Tip 2: Dress appropriately

+ You think you spandex pants might reflect respect for your space? Take those to a clubbing place and you might get a dance or two. In a rock concert.. make sure you dress comfortably enough to protect yourself. Leave your heels at home. By that i mean Covered shoes, jeans and clothes u can elbow with. Not to get into a fight, but to defend urself in case you end up being the outline of a mosh pit! I remember being right in front enjoying Silverstein's concert and suddenly a sharp pain peirced my skin. People pushing at the back can actually cause the sharp stablizers on the fences to stickout!

Tip 3: Never let your guard down.

+ If you think keeping your guard in a club is tough, lets remember in a rock concert, everyone becomes engrossed in the music and all is ignored. This means elbows hitting your head as they wave in the air, HP dropping on the floor when people push u from the back, or i remember once in a Crossfaith concert, i got punched by a female because she was dancing. OUCH ! Also the Anberlin final concert i went for was so amazing i decided to try the mosh pit. I assumed 7 years of occasional concerts would be sufficient experience to survive a mosh pit. Well. The guys dont give a shit that i have boobs. They punch just the same. So just a precaution. Be prepared.

Overall, Heavy concerts are dangerous but thats the thrill of it. Go with trustable friends and make sure you watch out for one another. I guess all is still fun and worth it(: I never regretted experiencing these. In fact getting exposure to chaos from 14 made me realise how surviving clubbing is just childs play.

4:33 PM
The different homes

Hall 15 was a whole year of living with a stranger. Thankfully it wasnt an unreasonable room mate. Different level of cleanliness was hard since im pretty allergic to dust. But otherwise we had a mini boundery where we respected our diff characters. Jam band in hall was amazing. The talent in my cohort required an intensive audition in which so many applicants were not eventually in the club. Frankly, singing for hall is so rewarding. 2 performances, nights out, feeling happy surrounded by NIE friends, and a blink of an eye, a year was completed.

And then came a new year without getting hall since i cluelessly applied for all the wrong halls. Travelling is an issue when u actually know there are various options available to substitute the castrophobic experience and the occasional stranger exhale on trains during Singapore's famous peak period. I ended in the Jian Yu Hostel at Sheng Shiong which frankly was such a good experience. Privacy and security is really top notch though i cant say the same about the quality of facilities and amenties. Yes i share the apartment with a phillipino and its like a whole apartment space! Amazing value for the money if we talk about space. But the things have not been well taken care for my visual enjoyment. The fun of telling people i live in Shengshiong was pretty thrilling. Jokes about having cabbages as neighbours made my friends look out for me each time their bus pass my bus stop.

Now, as a current resident of Pioneer hall, i feel so thankful. The first hand facilities are terribly spoiling me. The gym is so much better than mini condo gyms. The small cozy room might not be perfect for castrophobic students but for me, it just equates to lesser space to clean and tidy. Throw in my favourite Muji Diffuser and i thus enjoy the comforts of a second home.

Maybe its a crazy blessing to tried living in so many hostels. Maybe its like living abroad. Maybe what a second home needs is privacy and serenity to support a haven for the residents. I do appreciate all my lil homes. They taught me so much(:

Thursday, December 11, 2014, 12:01 PM

Behind the Lens
I know you care
Maybe inspired, 
Maybe adored.

Is it that my heart is weak,
Does it seem that i'm attracted to people I meet
Is it wrong to be attracted
Not by looks but by your behavior

Is it wrong to be happy?
What are you thinking when you took these shots?
Perhaps we get weird when we get sad
Maybe all this thinking is wrong.

There comes a time when we make sacrifices that are so silent no one will ever hear.
There comes a time when my heart is so persistent despite its cheeky urges to not adhere.
There comes a time I wake up feeling guilty because I wish I could understand what I need and want clearly.

Ice cold beers in the morning and lepak games