Wendilicious
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Im not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good.

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Thursday, November 16, 2017, 12:47 AM
What I want

i want a thrilling job. One that shouts fun
All day everyday
I want my thoughts to shift away from my insecurities and
A job where I excel in
One which I’m good at.

That would make me feel full.




Wednesday, November 08, 2017, 2:35 PM
I sing you an ode of love

Dearest Wendelyn

my dearest sister. Happy birthday. You are 15.. it took me awhile to pen these down.

I have so much to tell you. I will keep it short.
You are my numbing pill. When I think about you, I feel proud of myself.

You are my pride.

I have an excruciating burst of love, for you. It over-spills each time I bring up your name to the people around me. I worry for you. I care for you, and above all, I know I will always be here for you.

I'm not afraid of you growing up. You are mature and sensible. You have the gift of thought. It is special, and I wish you will always use it for good. You have the wits, to entertain everyone, and often so, yourself. This part you don't know yet, but you have and always will be beautiful to me.

I love you so so much and I feel so blessed to have such an amazing sister. One who sees the best in me, when I'm completely blinded by the fog of insults from the world. You bring out the beauty in me. When I am afraid, I look to you and I want to appear strong for you. I then, melt into a weldable metal and shield myself from the every day pain. I numb myself so I can feel what you feel.

I love you so so much and I am everything I am because you love me, and because you love me, I can love me. I am absolutely in need of you.

I will protect you if it means I have to be stronger,
I will silence my bursting thoughts, if it means you live through another year of smiles.

So, please know that you are irreplaceable, special, and unimaginably amazing to me.

To our endless love,
Your sister.




Wednesday, September 06, 2017, 3:04 PM
A mother's love prevails

Time and time again
I reach into the deepest part of my soul to find
Comfort and Confidence
Yet all I find is criticism.

And I want to be fine on my own. I want to be strong.
But yet I seem to dial up a familiar number.
Hovering above the call button.
Not wanting but yet needing my Meemoose.

I am fully 24, full in many aspects
On the surface.
I have a career, a man, and what I think of as friends.
And yet there's always a void.

The void that feeds on affirmation.
One that requires a tangible voice telling me that I am good enough.
Achievements amounting to "good enough"
The endless pursuit of any moment that spells comfort.

I know I need to be stronger.
But for now, I still need her.
The biological god that gave me life.
Like a drug, an easy way, to be affirmed.

It goes beyond being there, physically.
It exist in compounds far more complex.
In knowing just the amount of right things to say, to the endearing touch, to the sound of her voice,
To her magical smile.
It is the way she makes you feel like the most unreasonable of all your emotions are basically what makes us human.
It's the way she then makes you feel special in the way you can cope with these obstacles. She described you as unbeatable and if anyone can do it, it's you.

She gives you confidence and comfort.
And truly, the greatest gift of all.




Tuesday, July 25, 2017, 9:26 PM
A ticking time bomb

it seems different.
Or was it just that I've been ignoring the signs that it wasn't right.
Don't feel it.
So I make myself need it less.
One day I won't need it.

That's what happens to married couples. An expiry date to the love felt?
What if it becomes worse. What if u don't feel it, just me?




Wednesday, June 21, 2017, 12:22 AM
People like us

People don't always think like you.
Its not all about you.

It took me awhile to get this into my head.
The world did not go through the same mental abuse that you did while growing up and thinking that all I had to do was to run in athe hamster wheel and chase anything that affirms my looks because a girl's asset is one cast and reflected in what thy can gain through male affirmation.

My friends pulled my out of the jungle where I was tangled in vines holding me to the endless pursuit of excellence. A standard only achievable by photoshop and digital features. I wanted what possible any victim of self hate wanted. To not feel lesser than a valued member.

But really it was never worth it. I achieved so much affirmation from odd sources, experience things beyond what I thought my morals would ever let me achieve  and still it felt like they were just false judgements and needed more; like a needful manifestation.

My friends pulled me out, taught me what goes beyond glamor and self hate articles. They made me realize that I could be anything I wanted, I set out to be me. I planned to crush all the constructs previously written in my conscious. Tainted by the expectations of society. I felt wholesome without a man. I knew then, that I needed to love myself.

On bad days like these, I question if it's worth it to take what u know u might lose. To open yourself to the possibility of failure and now unimaginable pain.

Then I see our picture. I tell myself we are different. I tell myself it's a bad day and to move out of it.




Friday, May 05, 2017, 10:00 AM
Mounds of clay

It tries to alter the form with every pair of hands that embraces it.
But it's losing its elasticity 
It's wrinkling up.

I know what they want out of me.
I am fully aware.
But here I am just trying to find my own peace of mind and now I have to be responsible for another.




Monday, April 10, 2017, 9:02 PM
Relational 21

Linger.
On your mind. She wants to stay there and let his gaze stay on her lips.
She mouths the words, come closer.
He gets hooked like a limp fish controlled by her slight movements. 
She feels the tension and likes how intense he is gazing as his driving eyes thoroughly scan downwards.
Every inch, baiting her passionate body to respond. 
He flushed. His weakness transforming to strength exuberated through his rough hands as he gives a tight grip on her waist. The popping veins crying out a sense of intensity like no other.
She follows.
Now it's his move.

She lets out a soft sigh and feels weak in the knees.
She gets down.