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Thursday, January 07, 2016, 10:34 PM

I broke up with you not because I hate you..

I broke up with you because I love you. You can't be devoted to me and I think if you found a girl who loved you less, cared less, she will probably fit, because she will not be afraid of losing you.

Hate me, for you made me hate myself.

Wednesday, January 06, 2016, 3:37 PM
why I chose to leave

I know I have be making up all excuses to hang on to you. 

If u ever see this, know that I loved you.
You were my soul mate. But then I realised you love yourself more than me.

You would please and help girls to be a hero in the eyes, to seem like the best to everyone. But all I need Is a man who will my hero, not every other girl's hero.

You lost track of what was really important, somethin you said to me.. be the best for me, not anyone else. 

Truth is, u never cld achieve that. U constantly feel inferior to others, dear, you are nt a secured man, a thus, you have a high tendency to cheat in the future. You are gna prove to ppl that u r the best, and they will tak advantage of you.

I need a man who loves me. You love yourself much more.

I miss your smell, I miss making things for you, I miss you cuddling me, I miss when you say I look cute at the movies, I miss everything we have done together..
Then, I realise you would have done that with any other girl to make them feel u r a gd man too.. And truly, it hurts because I just wanted to be the best for you.

And you were my world.

But I was just a pawn in your game of ego.

Saturday, January 02, 2016, 12:51 AM

True hurt is when your body repels all other forms of comfort. Even food.
The heart tears itself up into small digestible parts and you can so insignificant.

It is when you feel yourself literally combusting inside with sadness yet you pretend it's okay to write a happy post on social media. Inside you are dehydrated from crying. Outside, you wear eye makeup to cover the eye bags from insomnia.

You will be fine wendy, you keep tellin yourself.

Wednesday, December 23, 2015, 7:20 PM
what hurts the most.

Is feeling that I am not special to the one that was special to me.

Was always feeling second.

And constantly thinking the problem was in me. That I wante too much.

All I wanted was to feel special.

What hurts the most is thinking he is just like everyone else who use me as a stepping stone and leave once they get better.

You got what you wanted. Officer status, loving family, friends, ... And I was shoved to the background. After trying to be there for you and being the best I could, I remember waking up feeling lesser and smaller.. I remember always blaming myself when it was never me. I just didn't get someone who cared for me as much as I cared for him.

It is true what they say. Never get a man who love u less than u love him.

What hurts the most is thinking, no man can treat me right because they eventually get complacent.

I keep telling myself I'm collecting good karma. And it will get better. I really gave you all I could.

I'm lying alone with my head flooding with questions.

12:18 PM

I learnt today that it is not that I don't trust men. I kept thinkin it was me that was the problem.

Perhaps I just need a man I can trust. I know u will read this so here is smth to think about.

It is so easy for a girl to ask you for attention: she just have to say "why u nv take care of me?" or use their position as your friend. Out of being "kindhearted" you might eventually do things I don't like. Also since you always prioritize others and like to prove to people that you are good. That means there's so many worries that I'll have if I ever forgive you.

It is difficult to trust you when you are careless to fall under other people's manipulation. Further making me realise, you are not in th right state to take care of me yet.

5 question I hav listed to answer before I can derive a decision. Time will reveal the answers.

Monday, December 21, 2015, 7:26 PM
Staring at the screen

A thousand thoughts racing my head.
Looking everywhere for that one familiar face.
Letting go of all you kept whole and realizing you,
Just need someone to embrace.

When I look at your friends on FB, I feel disgusted. Then, I feel so glad I made this move.
My worries of losing you are over.
When I think about the times we argued, or the person I disliked,
I realize that baggage is down.

Then I see something familiar, smell a familiar scent.
It brings back the happier memories that flush in quickly.
I push them back trying to think of hate to wipe the love off my mind.
Those memories seem so so far behind.

Am I truly happier without you? Probably not at this moment.
I feel like I am fighting with my emotions inside and yet I have to fake a smile on the outside.
But this is for the best, I keep telling myself.
Because I never meant that much to you.

I think of a list of things I would have done if i were you. I realized you didn't know how to love me.
I remembered every word you said.
Every touch. I miss all that we shared. I care. I want but trust me, I know eventually I'll be so hurt there is no turning back then.

Wendy you have to protect yourself. Make sure you remember yourself.
Find someone who can love you devotedly like you do to him, put you first, truly see all the best in you and eventually, you will be happy. I know one day you will.
Just not today.

1:41 PM
half of the heart

After finishing your itinerary of having fun with your friends, then do you show me concern.  As usual, prioritizing others. You break down after waiting and anticipating my texts for a day, I've been doing it for 2 years.

Don't think it's killing just you, I'm pretty much dead inside already.

I can't forgive u because none of our problems since that big incident was solved along the way. If we bring it up, u will get angry and defensiv and I'll have to end up comforting you. Do I feel okay at the end of th night? Why had I so many nightmares? I realise it now. Because nothing was solved. U were just covering your ass. I rmber you just being impatient on the phone. No more making sure I am okay, merely just wanting to settle to go to sleep, never once to make me happy.

You screwed up because you are selfish. Always have been. And you definitely shldnt deserve to be with a selfless individual.

I can't be selfish when I am with you. So I shall be selfish to leave you.

Whatever fate may bring, I'll always remember to have courage and be kind.