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Im not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good.

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Wednesday, August 26, 2015, 2:55 PM

The fact that life is short and that we can't live in a vacuum
Reminds me of appreciating the present
and letting go of all my fears.


Because everything will come to an end.
And the only regret is not having lived the present to the fullest.






Friday, August 21, 2015, 12:41 AM
Objectifying Women.

I fucking hate media because of the bloody fact that they reinforce stupid gender ideas.
I just saw on Facebook, a platform where children despite the allocated age limit still go against and create profiles, a video of a man using female asses as drums. All it took was 5 minutes on Facebook to make me feel nauseous. Within 5 minutes, all I saw was 70% post on things that reaches out to the insecurity of women.
a.k.a advertisements, photos of women portraying themselves seductively, self help articles like how to be attractive to the other sex with images showing an "ideal" image of a size 0 women.

Why I hate social media? because it is another part of media that makes you a SLAVE of their ideology.

So this post is for the ladies. This post is writing to myself because it is the only way i know how to ( talking to myself as though i am a third person ) :)

It is extremely degrading if you ere to consider yourself merely a women. You are not. You are not categorized solely by your gender. You have so much more that goes against the code of Femininity. You are the cage you put urself into and Ladies, you are SO much more.

There was a time when women are merely silent products of servant-ship.
We smile silently to agree. We cry silently alone in a room when we don't. We don't choose our mates. They choose us based on our attractiveness which 90% of the time seem to be because they are sex / hard to get / pretty / obedient / SUBMISSIVE. Basically, an object of attractiveness to be USED.
There was a time women were confined to be proper housewives. Their value depletes as age conquers their beauty.


I am proud to say despite all the retarded things people still use to judge women, the only enemy I have in this misjudgment is myself. Only I can make myself feel value beyond the surface level. Having the right friends and companion helps a lot but i have to believe in the value of myself.

You can play soccer and sweat like a pig. You can ignore the fact that the ball hits you and you get bruises.
You can acknowledge and argue about things you disagree with. You can do something about the emotions that you feel.
You can be a musician. You can wear things you want.
You can be loud, you can surprise people. You can be courageous to hold your own identity.
You can eat with your hands. You can make yourself feel confident, you just need to satisfy your needs and not seek solace in becoming something else other than yourself.
You have a bright smile. You live by spreading joy.
You have a nurturing side and it reaches out to the people with the hardest souls, even when it doesn't for some, you never let it affect your love for the others who it has worked for.
You can sing rocks songs, not just Disney.
On one hand, you can cook and make homemade scrubs on the other, you use the same pair of hands to make $ to make yourself happy.
It is not about having the perfect body but about doing the best things with yours.


You need a man to make you emotionally happy, but it doesn't mean that if you don't have one, you will be left with nothing.
Because deep down in yourself, women have a strong power, one that can be used to scheme and hurt others but this same power can be used in a humble way. In a way of cultivating silent strength. The ability to suffer in silence is form of strength. Seek solace in the comfort of making constant decisions to tell yourself that everything is going to be alright. This lie might be the one statement that keeps you sane. If it is not alright, at least you led the life you best could right? :)




It is about seeing the value in all that you are and not confining your judgements of yourself based on what the society says.
Different people grow mentally at different stages of their lives. Some people die not growing at all.




Monday, July 27, 2015, 10:03 PM
If u miss her, find her.

This cliche statement is so annoying. I mean.. i havent found one for women to help me during my times of neediness and missing. If i miss him, i cant find him. He is busy. I literally cannot reach him. He gets no access to phone.. yada yada.

In fact, this saying doesnt really work. See. There are guys who really are clingy and need to see their girl whenever they miss them. But these girls might not want to be bothered. There are girls who want to be with her man all the time *ahem yours truly* but yet, I remember holding myself back everytime. Always afraid to come off too strongly.

So this saying is flawed because it is missing out the factor.. on the fact that in every couple, at any one time, one will definitely miss the other more. One will definitely like the other more.

If i have texted/called my guy every monent that i miss him, im pretty sure ill never get off the line. Perhaps one can really be drunk on love.

And there can never be equality. And fairytale endings only exist if u live in denial. Happy endings, do however, happen if u allow them too. Regardless the situation. There will be a happy ending. Only if u can see it.




Monday, July 20, 2015, 9:57 PM
The sister post.

I am just another one to him but to you im the world.
Everyone can be replacable.
All i wanted was to find someone who i cld make such a huge difference, who would make me afraid of anything, especially of being replaced.

Reality kicks in. Everyone have many people would are special to them. We dont live in isolation wendy dear. Its never like the movies and happy endings in books. In life, endings are merely beginnings.

She said today ill be irreplacable.
She might grow up.
In her tiny world now, you mean everything.
I can be the prettiest even with a pimple breakout. She would call me all natural and confident.
I can rot in a coach in specs.. or wearing baggy clothing and all the slutty alluring women would still lose. Because in this child's eyes, i am perfect.
In her words. Wendy. Remember. She said you are perfect. Nothing ever once waivered that.

As she grows up, her world might become bigger. Your place in her heart might be shared. But remember what she said..

"At this one time in my life, you mean the most to me and no one can replace you. You are the most impt person in my life. And i wont let that change. Ill protect you. And no one is better than you. I love you most."

And i believe her.
And ill remember..
At some point in her life, i was that special to truly be irreplacable. To take up her attention away from aby other women. To show her that beauty comes from within. She saw perfection in me when i saw that in others. She noticed my beauty before i cld even love myself.

And for that. I am grateful.
I love you my dearest sister.
Always and forever.




Tuesday, July 07, 2015, 5:51 PM
Friend sent this to me... loved it.

We measure a “good life” based on how well we adhere to trajectories. How closely what happens is aligned with our temporary, subjective past thoughts about it. The measure of a life well lived is a cultural, social concept, and it’s changed over time. The governing belief of what will make for a worthwhile existence right now, for us, is individual accomplishment (at other times in history it was religious obedience, or procreation, and so on.)

We’re not made to be self-serving in an existential way. In fact, we classify doing so as all but a mental disorder. Everything, even our most rote daily tasks, only seem comfortable if they add up to something in the end.
But we set out maximize our pleasure regardless. To aggrandize individuality in lieu of community and wholeness, and in the process, we find that instead of our passions compounding into a spectacular life, we’re empty and stressed and exhausted and twisted in mental circles trying to make sense of why things don’t feel the way they appear.

Yet the measuring stick for a good life does just that, as it’s still rooted in our most basic operating system: our survivalist instincts, which want sex and pleasure and fame and recognition and ego-augmenting attention. It’s the hit and go, get and chase, want and strive and ruthlessly steal. We’re able to dress these things up to seem civilized, when the people acting on them are in offices and grocery stores and our Tinder accounts.

Animals don’t actualize what it means to have gotten their prey or not. They don’t consider the psychological implications of a potential mate walking away. They don’t piece together their lives, or reach for “more.” Their instinctive existence works, because they don’t inherently desire to transcend it.

Animals have no need to evaluate whether or not they’ve had a ‘good life,’ so they don’t strive to be more than they are. But we do.

Yet, by measuring how much “good” we’ve done by images, ideas and clean story lines, we sorely miss the point. We always fall short.

We were not built to be more than we are. Our desire to be more isn’t a matter of being beyond our humanness, but wanting to be comfortably in it. Sages teach that we’re designed for the messiness and simplicity of everyday life – that desiring an external “more” is a mechanism of the ego. It’s not transcendence, it’s avoidance.

The way to measure a good life is by how much you still want to change it, which is proportionate to how much you inherently know it can be better. You measure a good life by your capacity to feel discomfort. The extent to which you’ve questioned yourself. How many times you’ve changed your mind. The series of dogmas you’ve adopted and left. The family you chose for yourself.

The number of coffee cups over which you’ve had funny and serious and hurtful and beautiful talks. The depth to which your empathy extends. The number of long walks you’ve taken by yourself, and journal pages you’ve filled with the incoherent thoughts. The evolution of the way you philosophize your existence. The evolution of the way you perceive other people.

The days you’ve soberly worked despite the shards of passion having dissolved. A good life isn’t passionate, it’s purposeful. Passion is the spark that lights the fire, purpose is the kindling that keeps the flame burning all night.

The number of relationships you’ve had the courage to end. The easy way out is to stay. The comforting idea is to settle. The liberation is how many times you reach for something more even though you can’t conceive of what that could be. That unnameable feeling is the mark of a good life.

You measure a good life by the time you sincerely felt the sunlight across your bedsheets in the morning was awe-inspiringly-divine. The ways you can count you were a better person than before. The ways you can count you’d like to be better in the future.

The number of things that you lost and learned how to not attach to anymore. The number of moments in which you were almost at the end of your capacity only to find that there was another ocean’s worth once you were pushed beyond the surface.

A good life is not measured by what you do, it’s about what you are. Not how many people you loved, but how much. It has nothing to do with how well things turn out, or how seamlessly the plan is followed. It’s about the bits of magic you stumble upon when you dive off path. It’s not about the things that didn’t work out, it’s about what you learn when they don’t. Those bits and pieces, awakenings and knowledge, are what build and make you able to perceive things greater than you can currently imagine. A good life is not how it adds up in the end, but what you’re counting along the way.




Friday, July 03, 2015, 11:26 PM
Social media as Revenge

There are many types of social media users.

This is about the ones who use social media as revenge. As a shout out to the world that they can do better. I dont condemn it. Im just one of them.

Its to show everyone who has hurt you that you are doing great. Its to capture attention. It is to send hidden messages to those around you. It can even be used out of anger.

BF add another girl. I post a pic of myself.

Perhaps its never ending cycle of jealousy that kept social media alive.

The world can be so envious of others. But its just a cycle. Its a drug. And we are all addicts arent we?

I would quit but who's with me?




10:55 PM
Masculine touch

I miss the thought of your fingers pressed against my skin
Your face reddened from excitement
Your eyes glues onto my curves

I miss pulling you into an embrace
I miss you ravishing

I miss your smile, your smell your constant breath.
The feeling of security
The assurance.

I stare at a distant object.
Often it is you on my mind.
Crawling into my heart, in and out each time.
Tempting me, angering me. Making me miss you..

And i know its jus a thought.
I must love you really alot.