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Im not the girl your mom warned you about, her imagination was never this good.

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AWESOME PEOPLE READING SINCE 31DECEMBER2008




Monday, March 07, 2016, 10:50 PM
today.

Its been 3 years.






Friday, November 06, 2015, 9:15 PM
Calmness

You know all hope is lost when you are so upset you become calm.

I told you what happened. And you reacted by saying I was stubborn, 
when I've lived by whole life watching you objectify women,
I've watched all the same **** you have and I have thought you were right.
I thought I needed to be just like them in the screen.

I have been through everyday of my like life thinking I was never the best
I have been comparing myself with everyone
I have been cleaning up all the mess you made
and never once have you remembered because the only thing worth your memory is that pair of meat and that hole.

I have planned my expenses based on what I thought fit that image.
I think at night about how I am not good enough.
I was submissive, passive. 
I never had my own opinion. People said I was a bimbo. I was not. I was just submissive, I am sure now.

22 years of being submissive, passive, victimized by my own thoughts.
I cared for everyone and placed themselves before
myself.
Until today. 

Why, I hate? Because I have spent 22 years trying to please the both of you and never once have you appreciated. Never once have I been good enough. Never once have I not been compared. 

Cycles of watching both of you looking at new things.
Fanciful animals

And all I said was, all men are too self adsorbed, and you generalized me as someone who has too much opinion.

1 thought that is truly mine, amongst the millions you made me live by.



You can always think of me as being wrong,
but it is about time I stop being submissive and believe in myself being all that is right.




Thursday, October 29, 2015, 4:07 PM
An unfortunate blessing

Here is the thing, I never knew how strong I could be. I have been predicting situations and still it didn't help me prevent anything bad from happening between us. Literally I learnt so much just for this 1 incident. Surprising I feel very liberated at this moment. A lot of hurt and unsettled uncomfortable feelings but at the same time, I am glad that happened.

You say you can protect me? I know you are trying but your character attracts people to take advantage of you and eventually I have to suffer from it.
So I keep asking myself, if a husband has been faithful all his life, and eventually falters and make 1 mistake, do you break everything up for that one mistake? or do you look past it for all the happiness you had?

Reminder to self: Pick yourself. If truly one day that happens and a man betrays your trust. Leave not because you are powerful, because at that time you will feel the weakest in the world. Leave because seeing him is a constant reminder of your weakness. Leave because you deserve to be happy and trust me, those memories and words and love you hanged on to? they wouldn't have been real. Betrayal is not a one time incident, it is an alien that grows inside your brain silently till it reveals itself in one blow. Don't feed the alien.

Perhaps my defenses were so high up which is why I feel numbness now.
Perhaps my mind knows it wouldn't end, but then again if it were real, I will force it to end.
my mind runs wild fighting to choose between reality and my imagination.
Still, I can't seem to ignore you.

If you truly have betrayed me. I will be strong and move on.




Wednesday, September 30, 2015, 7:48 PM
The Beauty of Love, The Beauty of You

The Beauty of Love is similar to the Beauty of YOU.
Love is unique. There are many labels that says
it has to be romantic, it has its ups and downs,
it will end if this or that happens...
similarly to the labels placed on individuals.

By race, religion, gender,
by observations of your character,
actions and choices, people label you.
You are smart, you are sexy,
you are this or that.

There are societal guidelines to love that many impose upon their own,
monogamy, no gay marriage,
saving the virginity.
Similarly, society have certain guidelines on how to behave.

Give up your seats, stand in line and queue,
No spitting, no littering...

But the thing is, both Love and YOUR identity can seem rather typical,
especially when the world is labeling THEIR expectations on you.
But here is the thing. You are special.

There is only ONE you.
And you should let Yourself shine.
You should let Love shine.

Form your own rules,
trust in the other,
believe in the impossible.
Because no love is the same.
No one is the same completely.

Don't fit yourself into the boxes.
Spill over! and live life <3 p="">




7:35 PM
Don't be afraid to love

How much can you love?

Well love grows and that's something about you that you should be proud of.
You are afraid because the harder you love, the harder you might fall.

But that's the thing about love.
It is not a gamble, I used to think it is.
It is merely a choice.

There are no losers in love. The only losers are the ones who perceive themselves as having loss something.
And if he cheats on you in the future after all the love and effort and faithfulness you have put in,

trust me babe, you would have loss nothing anyway.
Then. pick yourself up and the only thing you lose is every moment you choose to be upset about something not worth your time :)





Monday, August 31, 2015, 8:25 PM
Fear and courage

There is so much to fear in life
There is so much uncertainty
There is so much sadness

You jus need to filter out the good.
Choose to be happy even on the worst days.
Choose to be different.
Choose to love what u are doing so that everything that u do wont be a chore.
Because if u live everyday doing what makes you happy and what you love, the future will write itself in the best way possible.




Wednesday, August 26, 2015, 2:55 PM

The fact that life is short and that we can't live in a vacuum
Reminds me of appreciating the present
and letting go of all my fears.


Because everything will come to an end.
And the only regret is not having lived the present to the fullest.